What's on Your Mind?

2 Corinthians 1:12
12 We can say with confidence and a clear conscience that we have lived with a God-given holiness and sincerity in all our dealings. We have depended on God’s grace, not on our own human wisdom. That is how we have conducted ourselves before the world, and especially toward you.


Last night I went out with my new friend from Colorado and we were talking and getting to know each other. To my surprise she does not own a television or a microwave. I told her the television I could understand. I had talked to my dad earlier that weekend about how I had taken the remote, turned off the television and hurled the remote at the television. I was MAD very mad at it because there was nothing but junk and I couldn't believe people's minds were being polluted with the filth. I am not saying all television is bad but we really have to be careful to what we put in our minds.

This past weekend a pastor at the campground was preaching on how we need to put on our helmet of Salvation to protect our thoughts cuz Satan is in the world seeking those he can devour. I realize that Satan messes with our thoughts but this never struck me as so obvious then lately. Lately I've just been feeling so down about a lot. I have even on numerous occasions shared the "voices in my head" with people I care about and explained what they are saying. Well, that weekend I learned where those voices come from and they are no longer allowed in my head. I have put on the helmet of Salvation and am guarding my thoughts. So the next time you turn on your television or even start listening to someone realize that your thoughts and anything you put into your thoughts should be carefully filtered and tested for purity and peace.

Titus 1:15
15To the pure [in heart and conscience] all things are pure, but to the defiled and corrupt and unbelieving nothing is pure; their very minds and consciences are defiled and polluted.

Heart to Heart

Isaiah 48:10
Behold, I have refined you, but not as silver; I have tried you in the furnace of affliction.


A while ago I had a weird dream of a ring made from glass. I remember feeling sorrow because the ring had broken and shattered and I felt as if my dreams had been shattered also. I was weeping and crying out that it was not suppose to be glass but it was suppose to be sterling silver.
Have you ever been to a glass blowing place? The person sticks the sand into a furnace until it forms a ball of molten glass then blows on it to form something beautiful? I've always been fascinated by glass. I wrote a poem called "The Sea Glass Heart" about a heart that had been shattered and become dangerous to others who tried to pick it up. The sea glass heart would rest in the bottom of the ocean until it got smooth and was no longer dangerous. When it was healed and ready to be admired the heart returned to shore awaiting the right person to pick it up and cherish it always.
I recently have discovered that glass is so fragile it will always be prone to brokenness. I no longer thought that a glass heart was something beautiful. Today I got a text that said "Btw it's not glass it's metal". I realized then I wasn't seeking a glass heart... I needed my heart to be like metal. I needed it to be molten by the Holy Spirit so all the impurities and things that were not of Him would come out. Then it would settle into a beautiful form that was strong and able to stand the test of time.
Sometimes when something looks beautiful and fragile it can be dangerous. However, something dirty and coarse can become something pure and strong! The way we get there is to keep in our hearts the things that will make us pure and strong.

Psalm 12:6
6The words and promises of the Lord are pure words, like silver refined in an earthen furnace, purified seven times over.

Called to Battle

Psalm 55:22-23
22Cast your burden on the Lord [releasing the weight of it] and He will sustain you; He will never allow the [consistently] righteous to be moved (made to slip, fall, or fail).(A)

23But You, O God, will bring down the wicked into the pit of destruction; men of blood and treachery shall not live out half their days. But I will trust in, lean on, and confidently rely on You.

As I was driving Mema/Lela (Johnny's Grandma) home last Thursday we talked about a lot of deep spiritual issues that are going on in society. It was a constant on our heart thing that keeps getting repeated by many people I love "we are in the last days". When I hear that my heart tends to shiver and chills run up my spine, not because I am afraid. Honestly my heart weeps for all those who do not realize there is still a God out there who they need. I was pouring out my heart to Lela about how I have been trying to minister to my friends... and how sad it is to even see my Christian friends slipping into the patterns of the world. I feel responsible I feel like I need to help them keep their heads above water. Lela said all I can do is pray and that is enough. Lela has GREAT faith and is a mighty prayer warrior and for her to say that seems so easy.

Tonight I was reading my dad's posts on facebook. I didn't realize I post so much until I realized he posts every three seconds. I post like that also. Why? because I long to touch the world before it is too late. I read today how children in public schools in California are going to be spoon fed lies from Satan. Little children in Kindergarten are going to be force fed a lot of crap about "tolerance". My heart started pounding and breaking for all these children. I started racing in my head thinking what will I do, what will I do if it infects Connecticut. I can not teach children lies of Satan. I can not desensitize them to sin. I need them to know the truth! I was thinking maybe I'll just hide away in a Christian school some place where I know I am allowed to speak the truth. But God made me re-read a letter I got from my pastor's wife.
I had been going through a time of persecution and rumors when my pastor gave me this scripture to read. She told me to read Psalm 55. I read it tonight again as I was trying to know what God wants me to do. God quieted my soul and said YOU ARE CHOSEN! I have to be a light when all around me is dark. I have to be the truth because if I am "not there" how will His children know? If I don't go who will? We need to be ready equipped for battle because we are living in the end times. There is a war to fight and it may get ugly but we need to know our side is already victorious!
Why am I posting this to a blog going out to young Christian girls mostly? Because we are women! and as women we were designed as nurturers, healers, helpers and teachers! We need to get out there and glow.

2 Timothy 1:8
So never be ashamed to tell others about our Lord. And don't be ashamed of me, either, even though I'm in prison for him. With the strength God gives you, be ready to suffer with me for the sake of the Good News.

The Ultimate Pain Killer

Psalm 147:3 AMP He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds [curing their pains and their sorrows]

Have you ever been told that hurting people hurt others? I know I've been that hurting person before the one who hurt others because I was so into my own wounds that I didn't realize I was inflicting pain and guilt on other people. Somewhere there needs to be a few hundred hospital beds for wounded hearts. The IV needs to be the love of Christ and the pain killer the restoration of joy and peace in that person's life.

My mom used to work on the critical care step down unit in a hospital. She would come home telling us stories about how the patients were flaring everywhere and it was almost hopeless to get an IV in them that would help them calm down. I think of myself when I was wounded and others tried to help me and provide comforting words. My heart was hardened to it and I was flaring around in my "woa is me". Sooner or later I got tired out and gave in though. Sooner or later these other hurting people are going to get tired out and give in also. There is an appropriate time for ministering to others. Sometimes we just need to back away and realize God will keep that person in His hands until He calls us to that person.

I am very much like my mom I want to help everyone to heal. I want everyone to be happy and I take my job as an encourager very personally. If someone is down I tend to take on their emotions. If someone is hurt I tend to take on some of their pain. Lately I realize that is "not" as crazy as it sounds... because I am designed after God and in His image. Our God does that also He sent Jesus to go through the pain the torment God on earth experiencing what it is like being a man. He felt that pain He felt that rejection that heart ache. Did He hurt others? No He took it and made it into something He could help others with. He went on and healed people and proclaimed miracles all over for the glory of God.

We need to take on a new saying. Healed people help others! Claim healing and realize God wants you to be whole in Him. He loves you ... your cares He cares about. Lay it at His feet today.

Be encouraged and if there is anything you ever need prayer for I am here for you!

Isaiah 53:5
But he was pierced for our rebellion, crushed for our sins. He was beaten so we could be whole. He was whipped so we could be healed.

Walnut Perspective

Psalm 139:16
16 You saw me before I was born.
Every day of my life was recorded in your book.
Every moment was laid out
before a single day had passed.

I got frustrated today because I'm just so blah lately not knowing what God wants me to do. Unfortunately all I know is what He wants me to do in the future... and really can't see anything right in front of me. It got a hold on my emotions and because I was so frustrated I blew up on someone I love very much. The thing I blew up at them about wasn't even the thing I was really upset about. Lately I've lost two jobs within a couple of months and am very aggravated that I can't hold down a job. I've been staying up nights just over thinking about how unworthy I feel without a purpose in my life right now. I sit awake days over thinking of how I wish something would just pop up so I wouldn't have to feel like I'm sitting around doing nothing.
Then I remembered something my brother had said to me a few days earlier when I had an emotional breakdown. My brother told me to remember the movie Soul Surfer when she was looking at the walnut. Sometimes we want everything so close up that we fail to see the bigger picture. We fail to look at things from another perspective. Right now I can't see what's in front of me I can only see the bigger picture. However, I need to be okay with the bigger picture and look forward and rejoice that someday it will happen.
I can't imagine how Bethany Hamilton felt after her dream of surfing had been chomped with a big giant shark bite... but she didn't give up because she had faith in the bigger picture. Although she couldn't see what was right in front of her she had faith that God had a wonderful plan for her life.
When life throws us rip curls and we feel we can't control where it is taking us sometimes we need to just hang ten and ride the wave. Let go let God and realize He has a bigger picture.

Habakkuk 2:3-4
3 This vision is for a future time.
It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled.
If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently,
for it will surely take place.
It will not be delayed.

4 “Look at the proud!
They trust in themselves, and their lives are crooked.
But the righteous will live by their faithfulness to God.

In a Perfect World

2 Corinthians 12:9-10
9 Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. 10 That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Do you know that the more perfect I try to be the more imperfect I feel? I have always had this issue with comparing myself to others. I'm not good enough, my grades aren't good enough, my body isn't beautiful enough... I just seem to spiral into being dissatisfied with everything God does. I also have an issue sometimes with thinking I'm better than people. Today I'm realizing after reading this scripture that that is exactly what the world is training us to do. The world wants us to compare ourselves it wants us to strive toward perfection. If we aren't perfect we aren't worth it? I forgot that I grew up on God's word. Who does He use the most in the bible? He didn't use the people who were well off. He used the ones who were poor who people despised the unspeakables the untouchables. He used the vessels that were already broken. Why? Because if He used someone who seemed to have it all together how brightly would His glory shine? God wanted to make an impact on the world and let us know that it's okay to be "not perfect".

My brother quoted "Perfection is a tool used by the devil to tell us we never will be! the more we strive for perfect the more we know we are not BUT We are all perfectly imperfect... God loves us even where we are at and cherish us as his children. Never loosing hope in us as long as we never loose sight of His true self..." Why then do we strive toward being perfect by the world's standards?

Isn't it true though that the more I strive toward perfection the more I fall short? It's like dieting... the more I'm concerned with my weight the more weight I gain. The more unhappy I am with myself the less beautiful I look. Up until my ah hah moment today I thought as long as I did what the bible said and kept on keeping on I would be perfect in God's eyes and who cared about the rest. Do you realize it's totally impossible to do everything the bible tells us to do and ... God knows that? I'm not saying it's okay to go against God's word at all. I'm just saying don't try to be perfect because you wind up looking like a complete idiot.

Admit when you are wrong. Admit when you are weak. Ask God to help you in any area where you need Him.

Dear God help me to stop measuring myself up to people and stop being focused on me and my image. Help me to instead be a vessel for you no matter how broken I feel. In Jesus name Amen

James 3:2
2 Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way.

The Rides of Life

Proverbs 3:5-6
5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him,
and he will make your paths straight.

Lately I've been dealing with a lot of roller coasters lately. If you ask anyone they will tell you I do "not" like roller coasters. If I am on a roller coaster I basically just shut my eyes tight and pray until it's over. Although once I was on them for a couple times in a row I was able to open my eyes and see things from a whole new perspective. Sometimes we just need to be comfortable enough to allow room for growth. I still like to "avoid" roller coasters at all means. Yet, there are some times when I feel like my life and it's roller coasters are just unavoidable. I want to close my eyes and pray until it's over but obviously I must open then at some point and see things from a different perspective and most of the time at a very fast pace. When you've gone on a roller coaster a bunch of times you can get a feel for when the next drop will be. However a new roller coaster presents a whole new perspective and you will not know where the drops were you just have to hang on for dear life and trust God will get you through. The question then is will you go back to that knowing that you didn't like it... even if you know what to expect or will you move on to another ride?

I love carousels because they go around and you know what to expect. I also love that you can decide where you sit and what style your pony will be. I wish life was more like carousels with fancy decorations and predictability. I wish it had lovely music that would play and allow you to relax, no matter what it would never go by too fast.

A while ago I decided that I would dare to try things I've never tried before and at least once a year would do this to expand my look at life. The year before this year I tried roller coasters and I learned that one roller coaster I went on had a beautiful view that I could only see if I opened my eyes and trusted God. My other venture was eating a whole lot of sushi. I was weary of trying new things. Then I realized if I don't I will not learn what works and what doesn't. If we don't trust God we will never learn. God wants us to experience the good and the bad so we will learn what works and what doesn't. He isn't a dictator deciding where we will go next. He gives us choices so that we decide and learn for ourselves.

So whatever ride you are facing be sure to trust God and keep your eyes open.

2 Corinthians 5:7
7 For we live by faith, not by sight.